The Joy of Bantering: A Feminine Art of Playfulness and Decentering

I really didn't think a day would have come, when I would say that I have fallen in love with bantering.

Before you raise your eye brows, allow me to explain. 

Growing up I was taught - especially with men

Don't be friendly

Don't smile too much

Be serious!

Or else?? You'll be seen as easy.

A fool.

A walk over

They'll play with you!

So I lived my life like that.

I was serious.

Very serious.

Not just with men...

With people overall.

I quietly carried this belief that if I appeared warm, people would mistake my kindness for weakness.

So I made sure they never got the chance.

I kept saying, "Nobody will mess with me."

But the older I've gotten, I've realised while it is a good thing in some cases....

That approach protected me in some ways.

Boundaries and discernment is necessary.

Not everyone deserves access to me.

It will eventually create a wall to prevent good people from coming in.

My wake up call started when I began my journey of releasing my scarcity mindset to attract pleasure and abundance. 

I started to question, why am I really so serious?

Why do I struggle to simply... play?

Why do I rarely smile at strangers?

Why am I trying so hard to convince the world that I'm untouchable?

The truth was... that image wasn't even me.

Why do I want to portray like I am the most serious person under the sun ... when I'm not?

Am I a clown? No

But this image I'm presenting to the world is not me.

One day someone said to me, "When I met you I wa so scared to talk to you. You look so serious and cold. But after you started talking to me, I was really shocked to see that you're so nice and warm."

I laughed.

But afterwards...

I sat with it and I actually felt bad

I am a militant person, yes. But definitely not stone cold!

Why was I hiding one of my favourite parts of myself?

Why was I making people earn warmth that was naturally mine to give?

That day I made a quiet promise to myself.

I am just going to be me.

Nobody can manipulate me unless I abandon my discernment.

Nobody can hurt me without my participation.

Nobody can take from me what I refuse to surrender

Nobody can use me. Nobody can hurt me

Nobody can do anything, that I don't want them to do.

So I let go

And just be

And surprisingly,  more people have become fond of me.

Men and women!

Through simply being me and having the conversations with a bantering undertone.

Even with men. I have found that me not being serious has reduced my expectations and my anxiety.

If I meet a connection, I'm not too serious

I'm being authentic and enjoying the moment, not being in my head and trying to keep up a facade.

I'm not worried about how I am coming off or how I am being perceived 

I  didn't change who I am..  I just stopped being so closed up

I've discovered that I genuinely enjoy playful conversations.

I love witty back-and-forth.

Light teasing.

Laughing until my stomach hurts.

Even romantically, something shifted.

I noticed I no longer approached every interaction with this invisible pressure.

I am no longer analysing every sentence or action.

Wondering how I was being perceived?

Trying to maintain an image or even controlling the outcome

I was simply...

Present.

I am just ... being

And surprisingly...

That presence feels far more attractive than perfection ever did.

What i have found interesting is the why behind people mistaking softness for weakness

Because softness requires an incredible amount of courage to lean into.

It takes nothing for someone to build up high walls

But to stay open with discernment? That takes a regulated nervous system to know who deserves entry into your life.

Well, this is all my opinion of course. You perhaps may be of a different one...

But i KNOW that warmth and discernment can exist in the same body.

I can laugh loudly.

Smile freely.

Play wholeheartedly.

And still say no.

Still have standards.

Still walk away.

Still honour myself.

That's what healing has really looked like for me lately and it feels fricking good.

Finally allowing myself to be.

The little girl who loved laughing.

Who loves people.

Who loves conversation.

Who wasn't calculating every interaction.

Who wasn't trying to be serious every room she entered.

Bantering for me isn't simply conversation.

Its presence.

It's an invitation to be seen and see others.

Beloved, be you.

A  🧿🪶