A Woman's Hesistation Around Pleasure: Its Connection To Standards and Income

What do you consider to be your hesitation around pleasure?
If you have any that is...
But before we dive any further, are you thinking about sex?

Because pleasure is much deeper than sex, actually.

Consider this story I am about to offer you.

A couple years ago, I moved out of my mother's house.
It was a major turning point in my life. I didn’t realise how distorted my relationship with pleasure truly was until I began living on my own. 

To be clear, my dearest mother never deprived me of anything.
In fact, she went above and beyond to give me what I needed. 
But this newfound independence revealed subconscious hindrances i didnt know existed

After a couple of months in, looking back at it now, it is very unsettling to me
But I honour myself and give that version of myself so much grace...

I hesitated around the very things I desired.

Buying certain things I genuinely liked felt difficult.

Going certain places I wanted to experience almost felt reckless

Luxury felt distant

Beauty felt unnecessary.

Even when I had the money, there was resistance.

I told myself I was “conserving”.

But in hindsight, I was operating from fear.

Fear of lack.

Fear of instability.

Fear of not having enough later.

I would buy something nice for myself and immediately feel guilty afterwards.

“Did I really need this?”
“I shouldn’t have spent that.”
“That money could’ve gone elsewhere.”
"Maybe I should have used this for that."

So instead of allowing myself to enjoy life, I constantly withheld from myself.

Not only financially,

but emotionally and energetically.

One day, I was in the city's mall handling business and ended up eye shopping.
I saw some cute things I liked,
"Hmm, reasonable prices. I can buy these," I said to myself 

Then a series of self-examination questions began
I started dissecting how often I denied myself simple joys.
How often I minimised my wants.
All in the name of  "discipline"

But there is a difference between discipline ... and deprivation.

And I was depriving myself of receiving pleasure.
To feel good in all aspects of my life. 

I ended up buying the items I wanted. 

Instead of what ifs and the buts. I started saying:

“A, you deserve this.”

“I am worthy of beautiful experiences.”

“I am worthy of receiving.”
 
And that's were the domino effect began

And slowly, I began changing the way I interacted with pleasure.

I stopped buying things while complaining about them.

I stopped treating my desires like burdens.

I stopped speaking and acting against the very things I prayed for.

The more I stopped resisting pleasure, the more abundance expanded in my life.

In every single aspect. Physically, Mentally, Energetically. 

My standards shifted to follow suit.

What once felt “too much” started feeling normal to me.

The ceiling that I desperately wanted to reach became my new floor. I started attracting opportunities that mirrored the way I finally began valuing myself.

Finances started locating me in unexpected ways and in ways I was manifesting.

People became more generous towards me!
JUST BECAUSE... for no reason at all.

I remember one day receiving two entire bags filled with food.
The surplus was so great that I had to give it away to some friends. 
Just a week prior, someone randomly gave me a huge bag overflowing with ackee.
Before that, someone just gifted me mangoes, plantain and fruits.

People just want to help and make my life easier in any way they can
OR things just work out for me! 

Moments like these may seem small to others, but to me, they feel so symbolic.
It just feels SO GOOD. It feels like life is smiling on me.
It feels amazing to feel pleasure and receive, from the little things to the big things.

I began expecting goodness. And life echoed it back.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

As women, I think many of us have been conditioned to associate suffering with virtue.

To constantly pour out and give.
To constantly sacrifice.

To go the extra mile, burnt out
To constantly earn rest rather than embody it.
To feel shame around wanting.

Especially wanting deeply, be it sexually or materialistic. 

But I no longer believe pleasure is something shallow or just a feeling.

It is a key indicator. It is information for my body.

Pleasure shows me where I feel safe enough to open.

It shows me where life is flowing.

It also indicated to me, where the resistance still exists.

Now, am I saying be reckless?
Avoid discipline and responsibility?
Absolutely not! 

Pursue your endeavors with diligence and discipline
Be as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove

What I am saying is starving yourself emotionally while expecting yourself to flourish spiritually is contradicting.

All yourself to enjoy your own life.

Fully.

Without apology.

Without guilt.

Without complaints. 

I have also realized that the way a woman receives internally often shapes what she tolerates externally.

When you constantly deny yourself pleasure, softness and beauty, you unconsciously begin accepting less from life itself.

Then before you know it,
You have lower standards, lower experiences, accept lower treatment and have lower expectations.

But when you begin honoring yourself…

Your standards naturally rise.

Because you recognize that you are deserving...

And from there, your relationsip with pleasure shifts.

Your finances shift.

Your confidence shifts.

Your entire aura shifts.

I truly believe there is something powerful that happens when a woman steps fully into receptivity.

I am a living, walking proof of this.

I have had people ask me, how am I so lucky?
What is this energy/aura that I carry?
Why do people take on to me so much?
Why does everyone love me and want to help me..

And its because I see myself as sacred, almost like a goddesss

I no longer shame myself for enjoying beautiful things.

I no longer feel guilty for wanting softness and to feel cherished.

I no longer feel guilty for wanting and desiring pleasure in every single aspect of my life.

I am deserving.

It is literally my birthright.

The moment a woman stops merely surviving… and finally allows herself to receive is true alignment.

Remember that the body was never designed only for survival.

Even within the sacredness of being touched, seen and desired.
Also for beauty.
For intimacy.
For sensation.
For delight.
For being fully alive.

Beloved, receive all the pleasure life has to offer. You are deserving.

A 🧿🪶