A Slow Burn Love & The Desire To Be Seen: A Reframed Approach To Healing And Romance

Fast.

Hard.

Explosive.

That's how I viewed love.

And that's exactly how it would crash and burn. 

I was used to being swept up in the ecstasy of it all
A crescendo into what I thought was the heights of love,
Until it would suddenly plummet into nothingness.

I recently began looking back at all my romantic interactions as a part of my shadow work.
Not to blame, regret or reminisce but to unravel some deeper truths about myself.

It was on this journey that I began to question patterns, situations that unfolded and the meaning of love itself. What I have discovered is that relationships - particularly romantic ones- are not merely connections.

Relationships are mirrors.

A reflection of yourself.

Not the mirrors that flatter you
But the ones that reveal exactly who you are.
A mirror that reflects what needs healing, what hasn't been faced and what you have been unconsciously carrying.

They are an avenue for pivotal healing, vulnerability, and growth.

A threshold, I believe, one can never reach alone; only when coupled with another on the journey.

Be it toxic or healthy.

But what is love?

It took me some time to truly overstand this term that we use every day.
I believe that it surpasses this "butterfly feeling" we get in our stomach or feeling as if on cloud nine.
This intense high.

But intensity is not intimacy, I have learned.

Love, I have come to understand, is acceptance.

Accepting something or someone exactly how they are.

Not tolerance nor potential.

Seeing someone clearly and still choosing them.

The degree of seeing and knowing cannot happen in chaos. It is not cataclysmic.

It is a slow burn....
It requires time
It requires stillness
It requires openness

How can you see someone when everything is explosive and fast?

When you are constantly reacting, rushing or performing?

To be frank, 

I was never in love. It was infatuation.

And that truth was hard to digest, yet it does not make my experiences meaningless.

The lessons I learned along the way are invaluable.
I learned more about ME
My patterns
My fears
My need for control
... and my discomfort with stillness

That version of myself who rushed into these intense relations was a version of me that had an unregulated nervous system.

Choosing intensity exposed what needed healing within me

And for that, I am forever grateful

Real romance?

I had to reframe what that looked like for me.

It is presence

It is consistency

It is to be seen

To be understood

To be intentionally considered 

I'm not saying that flowers, lovely dates and gifts aren't romantic. They are sweet additions.

However, it is the BASE that one should BUILD upon. All human beings are unique in their individual ways, therefore romance cannot look the same for all of us.

Romance is not performative. It is the patience and willingness to learn someone, while having the courage to reveal yourself in an honest, paced way.

But to love, also means to be triggered.

To be exposed
To be stretched
To face YOU, even parts you thought you healed

I think for a long time, I misconceptualized the idea of true love and romance.
My mirrors were reflective of that. 

But now, 

I am ready to lean in with courage

I am not rushing

I am not mistaking intensity for depth

I am learning to breathe

To stay

To slow down

To feel

To observe 

To allow it to unfold... slowly

Somethings are meant to take time to take root, before it springs.

So now, I have no intention of chasing anything that burns too quickly

I honor and claim a love that is sustaining. The kind that does not consume me but is warm and supportive. 

The love that allows me to be seen, and even more importantly,

To see myself.

I welcome a new chapter of healing.


A 🧿🪶