Growing Pains: The Tug of War Between Hope and Exhaustion
Or would it be embracing the balance of reality?
Is it possible that hope and exhaustion can coexist?
There is a lingering propaganda (especially in the spiritual community) that gratitude holds no space for heaviness. That a positive attitude is the only acceptable frequency.
That if you are truly aligned, you should only be joyful, happy and unwaveringly energetic at all times.
But is this belief beneficial or enlightening?
It is denial, as it defies the first law of life....
ONENESS
Gratitude does not erase fatigue
Hope and exhaustion can exist simultaneously
Joy ebbs and flows with sorrow
For a long time, I struggled with feeling hypocritical, tugging between these polarities.
Believing that I had to almost "choose a side"..
That something was wrong if I was experiencing both...
But as I navigate the landscape of life, I've learned this simple truth
That in all, there is all
I can wake each rising, in meditation, pouring out gratitude for my life, yet still feel the weight of how far I have yet to go.
I can honour the progress I’ve made and still mourn the version of me that thought I would be further along by now.
These truths do not compete; they simply coexist. And learning to hold them both is not weaknesss
It is emotional and spiritual intelligence.
And I feel through them; observing in quiet awareness without judgement
BUT, I do not live there.
Observation is not habitation.
I sit with the feeling long enough to hear what comes through, what I've been hoarding inside that is in need of release. But not so long that it becomes my identity.
The goal is not forced positivity. It is balance.
Neutrality is my sacred ground.
It is the place where my emotions no longer rules my mind, where my nervous system settles, and where my clarity can return. From neutrality, I can choose my next frequency consciously, rather than being dragged there unconsciously.
Striking this balance does not mean surrendering the authority within me
Yes, hope and exhaustion can coexist.
Yes, gratitude and grief can share space.
But there is a difference between feeling an emotion and serving it.
When sadness, anxiety, fear, or despair become constant, when they are fed daily and allowed to dictate your mood, direction, and self-concept.
They morph from just an emotion to a god in your life.
Because whatever governs your state of consciousness governs your life.
Where attention goes, energy flows. While I allow myself to feel and observe my emotions in quiet awareness, without judgment, I do not live there.
Observation is not habitation.
I sit with the feeling long enough to hear what comes through, but not so long that it becomes my identity.
The goal is not forced positivity.
The goal is neutrality.
Neutrality is my sacred ground.
It is the place where my emotions no longer rules my mind, where my nervous system settles, and where my clarity can return. From neutrality, I can choose my next frequency consciously, rather than being dragged there unconsciously.
Balance does not mean surrendering my inner authority.
Yes, hope and exhaustion can coexist.
Yes, gratitude and grief can share space.
But there is a difference between feeling an emotion and serving it.
When sadness, stress, anxiety, fear, or despair become constant as they are fed daily and allowed to dictate your mood, direction, and self-concept....
They morph from being just emotions, to becoming gods.
Because whatever governs your state of consciousness governs your life.
If I store my attention, my emotional energy, my devotion, in circumstances outside of me.
In people, in money, in timelines, in validation, in outcomes, be it of fear of loss…
then my peace becomes fragile. I have surrendered it, and now it is at their mercy.
Easily redirected.
Easily shaken.
Easily ruled.
So I feel fully. I listen closely. I honor what arises.
And then I return myself to center. Affirming myself that I am my own source.
All can be found within me; all answers are within. There is nothing outside of me that can fix or heal me.
I return to neutrality
I return to my breath.
I return to my own presence.
From there, I choose again.
Not denying pain, nor bypassing grief. But refusing to let temporary states become juggernauts in my life.
So as I flow through hope and exhaustion, forgiveness and hurt.... gratitude and heaviness
I honor the complexity of being human and I honor myself to feel fully and honestly, without shame in all gentleness. Knowing when an emotion has served its purpose and when it is time to let it pass.
I remember that I am my own source.
I remember that I am not my passing states.
I am the awareness moving through them.
So I feel what comes, and I listen carefully.
And then I return to myself.
Not hardened. Not bypassing. Nor denying my emotions. Only anchored and centered
And from that place, I continue.
A 🧿🪶
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6: 19-21
I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.
Psalm 82:6
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